Revision: The Things You Carry

Some more ideas for this piece:

Use terminology that is specific to your topic.
Ex:  p 3 "They were called legs or grunts", "To carry something was to hump it..."

Think about how your sentences are structured:

p 3  "Because the land was mined and booby-trapped, it was SOP for each man to carry..."
"Because you could die so quickly, each man carried at least one large compress bandage..."

Consider whether you want to talk about the actual weights of things.

Consider if you want to insert an anecdote, like the one about Martha.

Consider going back to the text and looking at specific sentences as models.

Some good examples can be found on
pp 2, 4, 5, 7, 9, 13, 14, 19

Consider if you want to discuss how you carry yourself (see page 19).




As you put the finishing touches on your writing piece, consider the following:

-What dominant impression have you created of this particular role in your life?  How have you considered DIDLS (details, imagery, diction, language, and syntax) in creating this impression?

-Do you want to show more than one side to this role?  If so, have you done so? 

-What choices have you made about how paragraphs are set up?  Look back at TTTC for models.  Do you have some paragraphs that focus on tangible items and some that focus on intangible items, or are the two mixed together?  Does each paragraph focus on something specific, and does it begin and end with a deliberate image, detail, or idea?

-How have you begun your piece?  How have you ended it?  What impression does your beginning and ending create?

-What are your sentences like?  Have you made active choices about punctuation (dashes, commas)?  Have you made active choices about sentence length? 

-Have you proofread your essay for spelling, capitalization, and punctuation?

-Does your piece have a title?

-Do you have a proper MLA style heading?

-Have you double spaced?